Too Many Tulips

 

Growing up, I was introduced to Calvinism. A theological belief system within Christianity, Calvinism was founded by John Calvin, a Protestant Reformer. Calvin's teachings can be summed up in the following acronym

Total depravity

Unconditional election

Limited atonement

Irresistible Grace

Perseverance of the Saints

...or, TULIP. 

Now, one doesn't often think of Calvinism as being much of a part of Evangelicalism. However, it certainly is part of Christian culture, and had a negative impact on me and my young life. At the age of 12, I was introduced to Calvinism via sermons like "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God" and books by R.C. Sproul. It focuses mainly on God's own choice and a lack of free will. 

It would take me several blog posts to go over each point of TULIP, so I will simply explain: according to Calvinism, God made a choice: he chose what came to be known as "the elect." From the foundation of the world, God chose who would respond to salvation, while passing over others. Those who are "elect" will turn to God, not of their own doing, but because God chose them. Those who were not chosen are reprobate and "vessels fitted for destruction" and have no hope of heaven, no matter how they may try.

As if this were not bad enough, not only are the reprobate predestined to hell, but at the end of the world, when all the elect are in heaven, they will look down on those in hell in pleasure, rejoicing over seeing such power and majesty. This is called the abominable fancy, and is attested by many Protestant, even Catholic theologians, such as St. Thomas Aquinas, and other early Christians, such as Tertullian.

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that such odious theology breeds abuse and power struggles. The theology of an abusive God will no doubt lead to an abusive man. For what kind of a God would purposefully make a person evil, then condemn them for being what they were created to be?

In my view, of all the theological belief systems within Christianity, Calvinism is the most dangerous. It teaches its followers an "us vs. them" theology and glories in the idea of an almost snuff film paradise where the "blessed" look up the tortured souls of hell, and rather than pity them, for being reprobate and damned eternally by God...they rejoice and enjoy the view.

So, for the sake of healing, I created my own acronym, the anti-TULIP if you will: APHRODITE. Named after the Greek goddess of love, it's all about self-love and acceptance of who we are; not depraved monsters, but wonderful miracles of the universe itself.

A: Accept yourself for who you are

P: Progress, not perfection

H: Healing is a process

R: Remember you are stardust

O: Often, practice self-love

D: Do your best to show kindness to yourself and others

I: Ignite the fire of passion and compassion within your heart

T: Take yourself to new heights

E: Engage in unapologetic joy 

Maybe not perfect: but, perhaps APHRODITE is our way of healing ourselves, the people around us, and the world. 

Cry Nights

"Cry night" is a phrase that is thrown around a lot in the deconstruction community. Those of us growing up in the evangelical bubble know exactly what cry night was. But for those of you who may not, let me explain.

Cry night is the name of the last or next to last day of a church camp, convention, or conference. But you can have cry nights at your average church service as well. It happens very frequently during youth group nights and retreats. Basically, it's a night in which several things happen; worship music is played, a fiery sermon is given, and, well...you cry. It's not uncommon to see people rushing to the altar, crying and speaking in tongues, shaking, and being under the influence of the Holy Spirit.

Except...that's not what's actually happening. 

See, there's psychological stuff going on that many of us were not even aware of. There was a great deal of conditioning and even grooming that went into these nights. With screeches from the pastor telling us how worthless we are and how we deserved hell. The worship team belting songs out about how much we hurt God's heart (as if we are responsible for God's feelings) and that we should feel guilty for being human. The lights are low. The air is cooler than usual. We're sure that God is touching our hearts. 

But he's not.  I know, that's a hard pill to swallow. But we were duped. We were manipulated into feeling a specific way. Everything is calculated. Maybe not on purpose; after all, I don't actually think there is someone behind the scenes rubbing their hands together and laughing maniacally (at least, not all of the time). But think about it; when you were in youth group, as an example, what were your cry nights like? What was a common factor in all of those come to Jesus nights? 

Manipulation. We were manipulated by words that were meant to break us down. We were cut to the heart by worship music that promised we could be saved, even though we were just kids, and there was nothing wrong with us. 

Coming back years later to those nights is always hard, because even though I am unlearning so much, I have found that I have such a long way to go. After all, we were taught that we are inherently evil, So why would we not cry? 

A lot of planning and conditioning went into those nights. The most recent one I remember was actually in college during Cru. We had a fun night, and suddenly the atmosphere changed as the preacher spoke on the wrath of God and eternal hell. As you can imagine, this made many people come forward, crying, sobbing, and reaching for heaven. Scared to death. Fear being the leader, not love. Even then, it filled me with rage. Here were impressionable 20-somethings being told that they were miserable sinners. That they deserved God's wrath in hell. 

How is this okay?

Honestly, looking back, it wasn't our fault. We put our faith in people who we thought spoke for God. It gave us a sense of family. Of belonging. Which isn't wrong; humans are social creatures. We want to belong. 

But the question is, what exactly are we belonging to? Can we tell when we've been duped? Can we fight back when an institution any institution, tries to tear us down?

That's what the deconstruction movement is all about. It's about unlearning and relearning.

My hope is that you will unlearn these negative things; you are not depraved. You are not deserving of hell. You are not a speck of dust, nothing before God. You matter. You are stardust, a treasure, a miracle.

This is what we should be teaching our kids. Not that they are useless; but that they have the power to shape their destiny into anything they wish. This is the truth we should cling to. This is reality.